Alright, friends. It’s time. We’re going to Ray Charles-ify our query–give it some voice, give it some pizzazz, give it some personality. What I don’t mean is to turn it into first-person–that’s a big no-no. But we’re going to transport our main character’s voice from the novel into the query. Now, I’m going to assume that whatever voice you use in your novel, you will use in your query. Using a Schwarzenegger-like voice in a query while you’ve got a Ben Stein-like voice in your novel–that’s kinda like false advertising, dude.
I’m not going to talk about how to do it here. I have already talked about it and so has Elana Johnson. Instead, I’m going to talk about my query (well…er…query for a book I haven’t written, and don’t intend to write).
So let’s continue with the query we started. Remember Tommy? What do we know about him? He’s a runt who’s more meek than scrappy. Let’s think about some film-star we know who’s like that. The first person that comes to mind is Marshal Flinkman from Alias. Let’s watch a video!
Got the voice yet? Can you feel yourself becoming Marshal Flinkman? Cuz that’s our Tommy right there.
On first pass, I’m going to go totally overboard with his voice, then I’ll tone it back a bit.
Tommy’s kinda sorta the youngest of three brothers. Well, maybe not kinda sorta. Cuz, well, cuz he is the youngest. But it seems maturity happened to them, b-but not him. He’s, well, he’s still the same size he was in junior high. Hasn’t grown an inch. Anyway. Somehow, for some crazy reason, he stumbled upon a girl who’d marry him. Now he’s a daddy. It’s pretty cool. The kid’s super cute and all.
But then Bibledy-Basty McFladigan had to come along and incinerate their meadow. Yeah, what a jerk. It was kind of not cool. Okay, so really not cool because now his family and village might starve. And die. Yeah, it sucks.
But there’s a new meadow. Okay, so it’s pretty far away, and you have to cross mountains and snake-filled rivers and barren landscapes. Oh, and his brother’s refuse to help. But it’s gotta be done, so Tommy inspires his older brothers and his village to follow him. And just as they scale the bridge, Bibbledy-Basty arrives with Tommy’s wife bound and gagged. Totally not cool. So now, Tommy must forfeit the green meadows. Oh, and his wife. Or else he’s going to have to fight that big, rather terrifying, creepy, green-tinted troll dude to the death.
Tough choice.
Tommy the goat, played by Marshal Flinkman
Nice! That there gives a lot of insight into Tommy’s personality (and a good preview for the book). Now, I’m going to tone it back a bit. And here’s our query!
Tommy’s the youngest of three brothers. And the smallest. And the weakest. It seems maturity happened to them, but not him. He’s about the same size he was in junior high. Anyway. Somehow, for some crazy reason, he stumbled upon a girl who’d marry him. Now he’s a daddy. It’s pretty cool. The kid’s super cute and all.
But then Bibledy-Basty McFladigan had to come along and incinerate their meadow. Yeah, what a jerk. It was kind of not cool. Okay, so really not cool because now his family and village might starve. And die. Lame.
But there’s another meadow. Okay, so it’s pretty far away, and you have to cross mountains and snake-filled rivers and barren landscapes. Oh, and his brother’s refuse to help. But it’s gotta be done, so Tommy inspires his older brothers and his village to follow him. Just as they scale the bridge, Bibbledy-Basty arrives with Tommy’s wife, bound and gagged. Totally not cool. So now, Tommy may have to forfeit the green meadows. Oh, and his wife. Or else he’s going to have to fight that big, rather terrifying, creepy, green-tinted troll dude to the death.
Tough choice.
After doing this, we may have to revisit the post on punchifying our verbs, but that’s okay.
Now you’re turn! Go–spend countless hours on youtube pegging your character and run with it!
Pingback: Queries playing hooky: how to tantalize your reader | Dustin Fife